Do models get Worker's Comp?

For some reason, it is considered very sexy for models to pose with extremely dangerous wild animals. Perhaps this is due to our cultural obsession with equating "dangerous" and "female sexuality". I am only speculating here.

At any rate, if Theo is to become America's Next Top Model, or any model of substantial fame and fortune, he must pose with dangerous beasts. As you can see, our practice session did not go very well. We thought it would be ironic, and yet extremely erotic, for Theo to enter the cage of a violent beast and pose looking fearful. Unfortunately, the evil beast did not get the memo, and charged poor Theo while defending his territory and/or seeking raisins, his favorite treat. That look of pure panic on Theo's face is no acting!

Lingerie series

Part of being a model is being comfortable when asked to pose in underwear or other revealing outfits. Theo proved time and time again that he is more than up to the task when he modeled my underwear for CUSS multiple times in December 2005 and January 2006 to prove that thongs and g-strings are evil.Here, Theo looks demure in a pair of pink jockey bikini briefs.

Exotic in the Bronx

At the Lourdes of America Shrine in the Bronx, Theo demonstrates his flexibility with indoor and outdoor, as well as scared and secular, photo shoots. The whole scene emits a bakcpacking-through-Europe flavor, does it not?

I am Bear. Hear Me Roar.

Theo models the ridiculously scary near hat that I bought for Husband on my rrecent trip to Iowa on the ridiculously cute bear rug that Husband bought me for Hanukka '05.

I tried to inspire him the way that professional do with human models. "Give me fierce!" I called out to him. He did a very nice job, and proved that he is not insecure about his bearliness at all.

Disco Inferno

Theo is HOT! in my red pleather dress from Ragstock in Iowa City. Rock it, baby!

We Dare the Other Contestants to Try This

Very few, if any, contestants on American’s Next Top Model can pull off this tricky pose. We have no doubt that some of contestants are thin enough to fit in the overhead compartment, but the 5’7” height requirement makes it nearly impossible to for any of them fit into a carry-on suitcase in the overhead compartment. Touché. The producers should have thought about that when they made their silly height requirement.

The other special element of those photo op is the complex blend of emotions that Theo manages to portray at one time:

• Sweet innocence (“I am a just a little stuffed bear peeking out of a suitcase in the overhead compartment of first class.”)


• Vulnerability (“Help! I’m in a suitcase in the overhead compartment!”),


• Joy at his good fortune (“I’m going on a trip in first class, even if it does mean in a suitcase in the overhead compartment of first class.”),


• Hubris (“See what a dangerous stuffed bear I am? I am so dangerous that they must keep me trapped in a suitcase in an overhead compartment in first class lest I scare the other passengers with my handsome looks.”),


• Seething anger (“What the fuck am I doing in a suitcase in an overhead compartment in first class?!?! I am better than this! I am America’s Next Top Model! Get me down right now, you bitch!”), and finally


• Resignation at the situation (“While I may be America’s Next Top Model, I am still a mere stuffed bear. Sigh.”).

Can you imagine such modeling skills coming from the show?!? Theo is genius!

How Many Super Models Can Travel Like This?

Theo is clearly one of the most stoic top models in America. Travel accommodations for his trip to glamorous and exotic Iowa were less than ideal for someone as important and fashionable as Theo: he was placed into my carry-on suitcase. While going through the second security check point of the morning, he was roughly manhandled by the TSA agent who opened my suitcase to inspect it. Yet he did not complain one bit about this low class option (although we were upgraded to first class, he was still stuck in the suitcase in on overhead bin and benefited little, if at all), illustrating that many of the “girls” on ANTM could learn a thing or two about classiness from an 18 year old stuffed bear.

(Photo to be added as soon as camera battery is re-charged. Grrrrr....)

Stay Tuned...

Applications for America's Next Top Model are due by August 18. Since Theo has done such an excellent job modeling my underwear in the past year, I thought he'd make a great contender. Unfortunately, conditions #7 and #8 of the eligibility guidelines specifically note that "You must be female" and "You must be at least five feet and seven inches (5'7") in height. Theo is a sexless bear (although I call him male, there is no evidence other than his oozing masculinity) and is only 20.5 inches tall. (At least the guidelines do not require applicants to be human.) Fuckers! They do not know what they are missing out on.

Despite this little setback, Theo and I believe that he has what it takes to be America's Next Top Model, and we will prove it here. Stay tuned for new Theo photographs, travel to exotic locations (like Iowa City!), and the adventure of a lifetime.